last draw…

Making an official note to myself it’s the last draw..

will pull the swordout to fight for the last time..

after which if words are just empty saying or actions do not speak for what is being said time to take it & go…

 

D

empty words…

suddenly think that empty words are like air…
but :"there is always a but"
air is something we can’t live without.. ..

to me action speaks louder then words.. ..I rather not say what I will try to do in life but just do what I can.. ..Personally think it’s no use saying but not doing anything…
Yupps been thru too many episodes of empty promises.. ..Only time will tell…

D

mE mYself mYtheory of mE…

@ times i forget about myself.. .. ohhh yar many times I do .. well I’m like an open book .. .. I try to attain the theory of not having to hide or lie.. not having to remember lies to cover more lies.. ..
guess my friends around me long enough knows I am still an open book.. ..these days the fire runs out.. ..not point going thru verbal war of speech to say what we are or who we may be.. .. tho i always try my best to give the most politically correct answer; that’s just me.. ..maybe trying to be too considerate of everything but forgetting about me~myself~I… …not afraid to say I love .. not afraid to type my anger and let the fingers do the verbal diarrhea .. .. why ? so that i can read and make sure it’s not that bad as it seams when being read ; so that – hopefully could be understood in a better manner then when at times we say – but interpreted with emotions of frustration & anger then the wrong words spill out of the mouth making it sound so wrong and then finding the wrong words to describe the actual "feeling or thoughts" … .. yeah i know my spelling sucks but thanks to technology there is something called spell check so everyone can be a writer to try to blast out some text.. .. life can be seen as a drama series.. truly if i ever type out my life story , it may be too dramatic in it’s own ways for many to handle. .. …some may say it’s a twisted story ~ some may feel it’s an adventure ~ others may read it as "pent house letters" =p well that’s life in many different expects.. ..while driving i thought of a theory, should those trying to get onto the express way allow those trying to get out go out so there is more room to get into ?  ?  ? if not won’t there be much space to get into when everyone is trying to get both in & out of the same place :s
Been trying to get this page over and done with but somehow I can only try my best to get somethings out of my system.. ..things typed are ment to be read.. it’s my own way of writing how I feel.. as i go back to where i started in here this weee hours of the morning, i believe ~ sometimes it has got to be about Me.. ..
Cos in Newton’s laws of motion ~ "To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." .. .. guess just not my style to only react when somethings happens..live life as it’s the last day, be happy be merry..I love with no regrets. I only wish to be loved as who I am & not who you want me to be. .. ..

@ times i would wish i have bad memory so to not remember details & many sad or bad memories.. well too bad whatever it is I’m still me…

D..

12022010…

… …
a disappointment to hear "U don’t trust me"
when all this while the trust was there but broken a fine faithful day..
i did not choose to lie. .i did not choose to know what i stumbled upon..
i rather choose to blame myself for being over sensitive..but well, in return the comment..

what was done cannot be undone..if only i could say in word and not type in text..
if only i could explain things on my side really is, it may add on to necessary stress for now..
but the ultimate goal is to go thru the hard times now.. ..

if u only knew… …

D 

10022010…

… …well it may seam weird in life there will be ups & downs… …
well.. what can i say.. i think i know.. then i don’t know if i do know a not..

humm story goes…
once upon a time.. ..we were just acquaintances..hardly knowing or think we know the person briefly in times we cross path..it may not be coincidence we met again after many years but surely this time there is something more then ages ago.. ..in few short met ups my feelings change.. ..the so called excess baggage you claim i have were abandoned over time.. ..not in words but just with time & actual action.. ..as time passes..I can only love as love grows on it’s own.. .. yet do i not know there are actually reserves on the other end of the line..humm say it bugs me, oh yes it does.. especially after knowing some facts.. i blame myself for thinking too much – blame myself how could i think there were the possibilities you maybe lying to me ? i got upset with myself.. angry.. angry at myself for doubting how you make me feel.. ..i feel the others presence, but choose to be in denial. .yup i did. .just to stay in the dream i had romance ~ i had love songs ~ someone do love me… …how i felt then was "on cloud nine".. ..i did asked before will i get hurt.. ..well guess in short days & months now today i can say I am & sorry to feel so.. ..i wish i had short term memory to forget things said to me.. i really wish i won’t remember things said ~ "it’s just a song" = meaning ? just singing for pleasure without the feel of the content : lyrics ? then another day mean word for word to the song you sing ? ouch, i felt a pinch bits of the times.. ..it may be the cause of many uncessary thoughts not only to me..a song i tag can end up being searched by another.. ..now i think the songs sang to another created misunderstanding.. ..gesh :s this going on in text seams to be a long letter cos i only just begun..i don’t wish to speak or mention due to the fact i love too much to have to make a point.. there is no point to make ~ there is nothing to win.. many time i feel i lost ~ lost the perfect trust ~ lost thinking too much ~ lost the thought of knowing i won’t feel hurt.. i hate it when the other part of me starts complaining and the bitch is released.. it may seam weird how can a morning of kisses, return home with hugs becomes to the weird silence ? ermm u were busy on msn.. ..it’s seamed as if u were typing a thesis… …
1st Day of the year.. i spent the few short hours then departure came near.. ..uncomfortable but not in any position to say anything tho it’s my birthday.. ..had lunch went skating then bbq ~ thru out in thought of you but with weird feeling something not right.. ..went back to your bed, lying there listening to a song ~ 温岚 – 祝我生日快乐 : Wish Me Happy Birthday.. ..only tearing to myself for another birthday.. ..40 days passed..the feeling seams not too far away now that i remember.. .. and yet only weeks ago facts were revealed.. ..i found the excuses for you.. ..even when we were on our holiday, some things were typed our of anger..  ..i don’t even dare read what i typed.. ..not very nice thoughts tho.. ..
In short i think i start to doubt myself; am i in a right capability to ever judge am i being loved for real ? or i think i am loved ? every feel gets me in pain after knowing facts..i though i know you loved me, but after everything i start to wonder.. ..if my own life ~ friends ~ time ~ me-myself ; is being given up to know this may not be actual love, it hurts to find out.. ..seams i no longer blame the other person in any relationship but it more i blame myself for being stupid to trust so much ~ to blindly love so much.. ..yes i know.. i been typing almost an hour and nope i’m not done yet.. …and now your angry wtih me not say what i do not know how to put in word to say why i acting such.. ..i know the feeling is not suppose to be such.. it will go away.. .. i;m not saying is also not to put extra stress necessary for the wrongest reasons now.. it’s only when i do love that i try.. ..we will be fine.. this is the small bits that will make us stronger together.. ..let’s worry about other things first.. ..

love D  

happy diving times…

away to sea…

in a few hours time…
2nd Interview =D
RaJa AmPaT =p
ohhhh yes… our very first out of SGP/M’Sia trip Scuba Diving @ the Four Kings…
can’t wait to be out at sea…
till next time =D

D

2010.. ..Fresh New Year…

New Year New Start..
for many i guess many things start new =p
it’s true 🙂 all of us happen to start a new year with many new adventures to ahead…

for starters 14th J@N : Raja Ampat – Indonesia here We Come !!! Can’t wait to spend 15-22 on LOB in-between of the Indian & Pacific Oceans..
Woohooooo… myLove with Me on this adventure in this one of the biggest bonus =D

yippkiaeay..
count down has started.. can’t wait to be out at sea…

love,
J@N dino

last christmas…

last christmas, i gave u my heart but the very next day you gave it away.. this year save me from tears i give it to someone special…

ohhh trust me.. .. these are the actual lyrics running thru my head as it’s christmas time again 🙂
yeah.. looking back at what was happening and going on last year.. this song says it all.. ..
this year there is someone special which i give my heart to.. ..

sometimes we just give up hope, when it seams too much to cope.. as long as the star keep shining from up above, all i need is your love.. ..
to that special person here now in this time, Love You Da !

j@n

humm.. still in a dream..

meanwhile.. still dreaming and not awake yet..
still enjoying the dream with dashes of waking up moments here and there :p
haiyo.. life is to be happy.. make the best out of what we have .. it’s not how long we live, it’s how we actually lived it 🙂

D